A Well-Deserved Promotion

Greatest NBA playoffs ever?

Jamie Shapiro, the senior studio producer here at Sun Sports, posed that question to me the other day via e-mail. Not that he thinks that 2006 qualifies; he was figuratively shaking his head at the incessant hype - which he cleverly termed "ESPNoise" - surrounding the first round.

Today's primer on sports television: there are three groups of fans on which TV networks keep tabs.

First are the Hardcores. They will watch basketball, or hockey, or fishing shows, no matter when those shows are on, no matter what the network. Hardcores will e-mail us asking for more or better coverage of their sport of choice, often savaging any other programming decision in the process. They are the bread and butter of a sports channel, especially one as regionally focused as Sun Sports.

Second are the Casual Fans. They may tune in, they may not. No amount of promotion will measurably change their viewing habits. You'll get a few Casual Fans drifting over to a Lightning game or a Seminole postgame, but you can't bank on them. They are, well, Casual.

Third, there is the Middle Ground. These are sports fans who fall into a desirable demographic for advertisers, spend money and time on sports, and can be swayed into watching a particular show or team on a regular basis, if only the network tries hard enough. Every sports network, be it ESPN, Sun Sports, FSN Florida, OLN, or whoever, spends the bulk of its promotional effort targeting the vast Middle Ground.

Think of television time as currency. Watch golf on CBS, or the Chevy Florida Fishing Report on Sun Sports, or TNT's playoff coverage. Note how much time is spent on promoting certain shows - and think of that time as money (because, in a roundabout way, that's exactly what it is). That currency is aimed squarely at the Middle Ground. Get enough of them to cross over, and you'll see a spike in ratings. Move that needle, and you're upping your bottom line. The Middle Ground is the reason why these 2006 NBA Playoffs are being breathlessly sold to us as "the best ever."

But are they?

Probably not. However, if I were in charge of marketing and promotion for the networks televising the 2006 NBA Playoffs, these are the storylines I would be selling:

The Dynasty

My generation has been blessed with exactly four dynasties in our North American sporting lifetimes: the Yankees ('96, '98, '99, '00), the Chicago Bulls ('91-'93, '96-'98), the Lakers ('00-'02), and the New England Patriots ('01, '03, '04). Truthfully, the Jordan Bulls are on the edge of memory for most thirtysomethings. And before the aforementioned Hardcore hockey fans start e-mailing, the last ten seasons of NHL hockey have produced five different Stanley Cup champions, so while the recent success of the Devils, Red Wings, and Avalanche is impressive, they keep interrupting each other's dynasties.

The San Antonio Spurs have won three of the last seven NBA Finals, and two of the last three. One more ring, and they officially make the jump to Dynasty. If I was producing the deciding game of the 2006 NBA Finals, and San Antonio was in position to clinch, my opening tease would be 60 seconds of celebration video from the Yanks, Lakers, and Patriots, with some powerful piece of music underneath - maybe the opening strains of "Not For You" by Pearl Jam - followed by one long close-up of Tim Duncan giving The Look.

Fade to black. Cue Kevin Harlan. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

The Clippers

On the far end of the spectrum from the Spurs, there are the Clippers, whose glorious history of suckitude has been well-documented. Yet, here are the Clips, in the second round of the NBA Playoffs for the first time in franchise history. How to sell them? The "Donald Sterling Is Cheap" angle has been beaten to death, so I'll go "Elton Brand Is Better Than You Think," followed by "Yes, Sam Cassell Is Still In The League." Then, I'd throw a little Shaun Livingston at 'em, because nobody outside of Clipperland has any clue about the kid.

What I would not do, under any circumstances, is give Billy Crystal any more air time than he's already enjoyed. At this point, he's got more sideline interviews under his belt than movie credits.

The Diesel

You knew it would happen, didn't you? Okay, well, I did.

After laying eggs to the tune of 30 points, nine turnovers, and nine fouls in games four and five against Chicago, Shaquille O'Neal was due to blow up. He was Bruce Banner after a dog bite; he was Michael Douglas stuck in traffic in "Falling Down." It was coming. It was on like Donkey Kong. I even said so on Sports Talk Live last week.

Game Six: 27 points, 16 rebounds, five blocks. Nothing was more predictable.

Shaq is 34 years old. He's played nearly 35,000 minutes of regular season basketball in the last 14 years, and another 7,000 minutes in the playoffs. You'd think that the tires would be showing some wear by now, and you'd be right - but no player in the league forces more adjustments from the opposition.

Not Duncan, not Iverson, not even LeBron. Shaq.

Watch the Nets drape O'Neal with a suitcoat made of Jason Collins, Nenad Krstic, and Clifford Robinson in the second round - and watch The Diesel throw them off like James Brown tossing his cape. If O'Neal doesn't post at least one 30-15 in this series, I'll be stunned. And that's my selling point.

Detroit Rock City

Anybody else sick of the Pistons? Given the amount of love poured on Detroit by the national media, it's hard to believe that they've won exactly one NBA championship since 1990. Don't get me wrong - they're good. Really good. But considering that San Antonio has won twice in the last three years - and were one Derek Fisher prayer away from the Western Conference Finals during that off-year - shouldn't we save our slobber?

Thing is, Detroit plays team basketball, and that's a hot property right now. I submit that few, if any, of the current Pistons would be stars on any other team (see Billups, Chauncey), but in this combination, they're the best in the East, and possibly the best in the league.

Coming back to Florida for a moment - the reason why the Orlando Magic re-captured the imagination of their fan base this spring wasn't just because of 16 wins in their last 22 games. It was the way they were winning: sharing the ball, helping each other on defense, rooting for each other from the bench. They seemed to enjoy themselves, and each other. Fans eat that stuff up, and Detroit has raised it to an art form. They're the tightest team in the NBA. I'd sell the Pistons the way CBS sells "The Amazing Race." One team, one goal.

Best playoffs ever? Not yet. Not as long as the image of Dikembe Mutombo writhing in ecstasy on the court is seared into our memory. Not until we forget about The Flu Game, The Ehlo Shot, The Bryon Russell Shot, and everything else Michael Jordan did in the spring. Not until we start a conversation about Magic Playing Center or "What a steal by Bird!" at the watercooler with one of our new, young co-workers and draw nothing but a blank stare. Not...quite...yet.

But if I were in charge of promotion, I'd have plenty of places to start.