Pure Fantasy

Good column this week in Sports Illustrated from Steve Rushin, who admits to "a shameful secret": he doesn't love the NFL. Rushin considers himself "the last American male who has never bet on a game, joined the office pool, belonged to a fantasy league, played the Madden video game or owned a TV larger than my garage door." When I read that, I felt like asking Steve if he was left on the doorstep of a convent, with half of a gold amulet around his neck. Fear not, my brother. I have found you.

Of course, my lax attitude towards the No Fun League is clearly not my fault. I grew up in Orlando, Florida in the early-to-mid-70's. If I wanted to follow an NFL team, my choices were the Buccaneers, only one of the worst expansion teams since the cast of "Joanie Loves Chachi," or the Dolphins, whose hometown of Miami was, in my adolescent Central Florida eyes, slightly less attractive than Beirut. Point being, I watched the Braves on cable, and never gave the NFL a second thought.

Now, as the host of "Sports Talk Live" on Sun Sports and a duly ordained Fox employee, I am forced to care. It's been a struggle. The only gambling I've ever done on NFL games has been plunking down a dollar on a square during a Super Bowl party. Office pools are quickly deleted from my Inbox. As the parent of two young children, I am philosophically opposed to video games, and while I do own a flat-screen LCD television, it's only because it was light enough for me to install alone in our corner cabinet. Plus, "The West Wing" is fantastic in 16:9 ratio.

However, I am now in a fantasy league. Again I say: it's not my fault.

Jamie Shapiro, the senior studio producer here at Sun Sports, came up with the idea. He has invited several "Sports Talk Live" regulars to take part in an NFL fantasy league on Foxsports.com, partially as a stunt for next week's STL show covering the topic, partially as a means to embarrass the on-air guys. Jamie and I are owners in the league, along with Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi, who holds the distinction of finishing dead last in the newspaper's fantasy league last year. Other league invitees include Sun Sports' Paul Kennedy, former big leaguer Frank Viola (Orlando resident, STL regular, and self-described fantasy football geek), and ESPN Radio's Todd Wright, a Tampa resident and frequent statmonger on our show. Other invitations are floating out there, but that's the core group. The idea is to update the standings each week on our show, giving the panel plenty of ammo with which to pelt one another. I am in big trouble.

There are two sports I know well enough to actually compete in a fantasy league: the NBA and professional golf. For over a decade, I have taken part in a pro hoops league with several members of the Orlando Magic front office, whose hats I have handed back to them twice in the last five years. I won the league last year behind the stellar play of Paul Pierce, Amare Stoudamire, and Dwyane Wade - the last of whom I drafted in the second round amongst many snickers from my fellow owners. Little did they know that I saw every playoff game Wade played in 2004, having covered the Heat as Sun Sports' sideline reporter. He was the best player on the floor as a rookie, and I gambled that he would only improve as a sophomore. Bingo.

I also drafted Tracy McGrady in the first round last year, but traded him mid-season for Ray Allen and Shareef Abdur-Rahim - again, to the chuckles of my competitors. Aside from the obvious attraction of Jesus Shuttlesworth in a contract year, I was following my golden rule of fantasy basketball: only keep players I can actually stand to watch. After seeing T-Mac pull up for a three on the break for the 32nd straight game, his butt was on the block. Got Ray-Ray, got Reef, got another trophy.

My first fantasy hoop title, back in the 2001 season, was earned via a breathtaking draft night, during which I secured McGrady, Ben Wallace, and Jermaine O'Neal - all when they were still on the cusp of greatness - and followed that by acquiring Peja Stojakovic and Donyell Marshall in trades, giving up only a pre-MVP Steve Nash and an already-bloated Vin Baker in return. Damn, more I think about it, that WAS a great year.

Over those same years, I also took part in a golf pool with many current and former employees at ESPN, my old stomping grounds. I have a partner in that league, ESPN anchor Dave Revsine, who is the yin to my yang. He does the heavy research (his specialty), while I provide the instinct. See my previous column on Artists and Mechanics to gain a better understanding of why the Revsine/Watson team has won that pool once and finished in the top fifteen every other year. The rules of that league are interesting: at the beginning of the year (prior to the Mercedes Championships in Hawaii), entrants pick one player at every PGA Tour event up to and including the US Open. We call that the "first half." Other events in that span are the Champions Tour majors and selected European Tour events. Whatever your guy makes at his specified event, you make, and our "money list" determines the leaderboard. Just before the US Open, we pick players for the second half, up to the Tour Championship. That's it.

Only, that's not it. You can only use a player once per year. Read that again. Tiger and Vijay, among others, are good for three or four wins per season, so you gotta use them wisely - and even though you start by turning in picks only for the first half of the season, you must be smart enough to save some of the studs for the second half, especially in majors. This year, for example, I convinced Revver that Eldrick would win the Masters, a conversation that vaulted us into the top five. You also cannot use defending champions, can get penalized if Michelle Wie beats your player in a PGA Tour event (the "Wie Clause"), and have a chance to move up or down in the standings by taking optional picks at events like the US Amateur and the President's Cup. It's much less complicated than it sounds, and it gives you a reason to watch the John Deere Classic. As long as you do your homework, you'll contend.

So here I am now, entering an NFL fantasy league for the first time. Since I have absolutely zero history with this stuff, I have pretty much gone chalk with my research. Our "Sports Talk Live" league will be auto-picked for us by the Foxsports.com site, so I basically threw up my hands and ranked my players according to their average draft position (ADP, in the website's lingo). We are doing one QB, two running backs, two wideouts, one flex player, one defense/special teams unit, one tight end, one kicker, and six bench players. Max on the injured list is two. I read the cheat-sheet columns from the experts at Fox, and top-loaded my rankings with running backs and wideouts. I placed Baltimore's defense higher than it should be. I ranked Tony Gonzalez and the kid in San Diego as my highest tight ends. Payton Manning is the only QB I care about, and LaDanian Tomlinson is my overall number one. It's by the book. Needless to say, I will either lap the field and win this thing by twelve shots, or finish so far in the back that Bianchi's bald head will appear as a speck in the distance. There is no middle ground.

Here is my plea: if anyone has any strategy to offer, send it in. Again, this is an auto-pick league, so there's not much strategy to be had, but I'm willing to listen. If I win, I'll share the title with those who provided the secrets. If I lose, I get to blame you. Not much downside, as I see it. You can click on the "Reply" button and share your expertise - and in return, I'd be happy to share my basketball knowledge as the guy who has twice schooled an NBA front office in an NBA league. This is a win-win, people.

It's my cry for help. I admit my ignorance. Friends and neighbors, it's up to you. Keep watching "Sports Talk Live," Mondays at 7 on Sun Sports, for updates on how I'm doing.

And if you're watching the US Amateur next week - do me a favor and pull hard for Rhys Davies, willya?